The Friday Romantics series continues! (Yes, I know today is Saturday). This week’s Romantic is Brian Pippard from www.datequalitywomen.com. Brian helps men meet and date the woman of their dreams instead of settling for someone that they’re not really interested in.

Below, pay attention to how we talk about:

• What it means to date a quality woman and why it’s important
• How to tell if the woman you’re with is a quality woman
• Why it’s important not to “lower your standards” just because you’ve never had a girlfriend and what to do instead
• Why we naturally attract people who are like us, and what to do if we don’t like that type of person
• His three pieces of advice on how to talk to women
• Three ways to become more confident around women

In your experience, what do you see men struggling with the most when it comes to dating?

Creating fun, genuine, and emotion inspiring interactions with women.

What is a quality woman?

I’ve asked hundreds of guys this and each has his own answer but, for me, it means “a woman I feel I could, potentially, enjoy a long term relationship with”.

What have other guys said it means to date a quality woman?

Like I said, I’ve asked hundreds of guys this and each has his own idea what that means. But, it has almost always boiled down to her PERSONALITY and VALUES!

Yeah, guys LIKE attractive women… but they LOVE women they find attractive with the right PERSONALITY and VALUES for them. And, they usually prefer a woman who is not-quite-as physically attractive but has them, to one that is more so but doesn’t.

“We make each other better people.”,

“We can have meaningful conversations.”, and

“We don’t have to pretend around each other.”

Why is it important to date a quality woman specifically?

I’m gonna answer your question but first I’m gonna take a bit of a tangent that may not be particularly “PC” but that I think is true.

From my experience, and talking with other guys, men often classify women into three categories early on when we meet them – based upon their attractiveness and personality:

1. I’m not really sexually interested in her but we can be friends

Most guys get along GREAT with this type of woman because they don’t feel pressure in themselves to make something happen with her because they aren’t really interested.

2. I’m interested in her casually but, probably, not for a long term relationship

They usually get along so-so with this type of women because there’s a bit of pressure, and interest, but not so much that it’s crippling.

A lot of guys, and I definitely have in the past, end up playing out the casual relationship too long because it’s easier than working to meet new women and nice to get laid regularly. You could even be totally honest with her and tell her that you’re just interested in something casual but the problem is that, over time, she often ends up catching feelings anyways. She may even agree to this situation, despite the fact she doesn’t like it, to be able to have a chance to “sway your opinion” of her to wanting to be more serious. This rarely works.

The guy is left to make a choice at this point: to cut it off, to keep seeing her at arms length (despite the fact he knows she wants more and isn’t going to give it to her), or to give her the relationship he knows she wants – but he doesn’t.

All of those are kinda sad situations.

3.  I’m interested in, potentially, exploring a long term relationship with her

Many men fail HORRIBLY with this type of women, who they’re REALLY interested in and might actually like, for a bunch of reasons, including:

• They put too much pressure on themselves to make it work out,
• They don’t feel worthy of having a woman that good
• They try to create relationships with them the same way they would with the casual girl and it doesn’t work because “the bait you use to catch fish doesn’t catch marlins”
• They get beat out by other guys who also feel the same way about her
• They don’t know how to create a relationship with women that desirable

Now, women can change categories based upon their personality and/or if their fashion and fitness changes dramatically. But, for the moment, let’s just assume they’re static.

It’s this third type of woman that *I* consider a quality woman – because you know right away you’d be interested in exploring a long term relationship with her and so you aren’t wasting your or her time in the long run. You also know that she doesn’t just accept anybody, so if you do create an amazing relationship with her, it will be something special.

It’s from this group of women that most guys COULD meet their dream woman.

They’re much better off dating, or at least working to be able to date, the type of women that they might really be interested in having a long term relationship with. That way, they don’t waste any of their or the woman’s time, energy, or effort.

So, to answer your question – that’s one reason why it’s important!

They’re much better off dating, or at least working to be able to date, the type of women that they might really be interested in having a long term relationship with. That way, they don’t waste any of their or the woman’s time, energy, or effort.

Secondly, most guys I’ve talked to tell me that, though they don’t want to rush it for the sake of it, eventually they DO want to “settle down” with someone special to them. And that’s the hard part: the settling.

You see: “settle” has the hidden implication of “for less than we want”.

I’ve heard so many stories from guys who ended up divorced and said “they got walked on in marriage”, “they weren’t appreciated”, “their wives were bitches to them”, etc.  This may not be the whole truth.

It may be that they let themselves get walked on because they didn’t stand up tall with their own values and standards. It could be that they didn’t communicate with her fully and/or often enough about her actions. It might also be that they chose their wives poorly – based solely on looks, a scarcity mindset, or what society told them about when they were “supposed to get married”.

This ends up costing them years of their lives and they also often seem to come out of it “shells of men” – with lots of personal work to do just to pick themselves up and get back on track.

It’s a shame to see.

I’ve heard: “A good husband makes a good wife” but also “You can’t change someone unless they are in diapers”.

So, in order to have an amazing relationship, we need to 1) have our shit together, and 2) choose her very, very wisely.

How do you know if the woman you’re with is a quality woman?

You mean like once you’re in a relationship?

1. She communicates clearly and honestly with you
2. She is accountable for her part in problems, rather than blaming everybody but herself
3. She’s secure enough to give you your space to live your life and not get overly jealous of other women in it

Ok, how about if you just see or meet her the first time? How can you tell?

It’s almost impossible to tell someone’s character just by looking at them or meeting them one time, but there are a few signs:

1. She seems to embody the same values as you:
   Ex. you value staying fit – she stays fit,
   Ex. you love making jokes – she makes witty comebacks,
   Ex. you like being intellectual – she’s at the cafe reading a book
   (or maybe she’s just waiting for a cute guy to come talk to her while she’s doing it!)
2. She makes you work a bit to get her:
   She doesn’t throw herself at you. That’s mostly for drunk and insecure girls. Or girls on vacation or spring break.A quality woman knows a man will put in a reasonable amount of work to get to know her, if he is a quality man himself.So, she might tee-up the ball by leaving hints or setting up opportunities… but it’s up to him to hit the ball!
3. She doesn’t, likely, sleep with you the 1st time you meet her or on the 1st date:
   From my experience, and most of the guys I’ve talked to, have all said the best women they were with didn’t sleep with them the first night or date.Quality women know they are worth being with so they don’t mind, and even enjoy, making a guy work a bit to be with them because they know it builds the connection and tension – which makes the sex better when it does happen anyways.

Some men I’ve talked to—guys who’ve never had a girlfriend before—believe that they ought to “lower their standards” in order to find love. It seems like you teach the opposite of that. What would you say to someone who is considering “lowering their standards”?

I can see why, in the case of a guy who has never had a gf before, some would say this because that’s one way to quickly gain sexual experience which will lead to being more comfortable with women going forward.

But, I like to think of relationships as a balancing of gold on a two sided scale.

On one side is what you place… That’s you in the relationship. The gold on the other side represents her and what she brings to it. If you can make the scale balance exactly, you get to keep what’s on both sides.

If you bring a gold nugget and she brings a whole bar, then there are two ways to balance the scale. You can “lower your standards” and chip away at the gold bar on her side until you end up with an equal sized gold nugget… which ends up not being bad because it’s still double than what you started with…

Or you can go out and mine some yourself, hire someone to do it for you, get a job and  buy some, rob a bank and steal it (I don’t recommend you do that) to get more gold and add it on to your side until it balances out.

In that case, you put in a lot more work but end up with EXPONENTIALLY more than you started with, and you gained EXPONENTIALLY more than when you just doubled that little nugget. Plus, you probably have some really cool stories, learnt a lot, and became a better partner along the way.

So, no. I don’t recommend settling.

But, I do recommend being realistic about what results to expect in anything you’re starting that you’re new at.

Something you emphasize on your website is that you attract what you ARE. If you’re dysfunctional than you’ll attract someone else who fits that same mold. What advice would you have for someone who’s a little dysfunctional but wants to get their stuff together?

First thing, we need to get CRYSTAL CLEAR about what it is we really want in a girlfriend and a relationship – down to every little specific detail like what kind of job we want her to have, what kind of hobbies, and how we want her to communicate. This is so we know what we’re aiming for and so we know once we get it… and if that actually ends up being what we really want.

Secondly, we need to be brutally honest with ourselves about how we are, or aren’t, matching the characteristics we want. For example, if we want a woman who’s fit but we aren’t fit… how can we expect a woman who values being fit to value us not being so? That doesn’t make sense. Same goes if we want her to be a good conversationalist. How can we expect her to be a good communicator, if we aren’t ourselves? Why would she want to be with us? The values are different.

We need to do this so we can match the values we desire in a woman and we aren’t being unrealistic and hypocritical with our expectations.

Lastly, we need to start taking action becoming the type of person WE would want to be with… after all, why would she SHE want to be with us if WE don’t? WHILE doing this, we need to learn how to communicate with her in ways that are fun, genuine, and create emotions in her.

When all these line-up: we know PRECISELY the partner we are looking for, we match the values of the amazing person we want to be with, AND we communicate in ways that lead to her feeling strongly for us – THEN we can share a deep and stimulating connection with her.

One thing a lot of men struggle with is how to talk to women. What are your thoughts on that? Do you have certain lines or techniques that you use?

This was a REALLY painful point for me for a long time, too. I remember when I first started working to improve my skills with women – trying to cockily tease girls – and just coming off as an asshole. My friends and girls would look at me weird like “WTF” and it would be really awkward.

One issue I had, and a lot of guys have, is making their convos PAINFULLY boring. They often go into “interview mode” and that’s no fun for anyone.

It’s our job as men to make our convos with women fun, genuine, and invoking of good emotions in her… so she wants to talk to us again!

So, how do we do this? There are SO many ways… but, for example, let’s just assume this is a new woman we just started talking to:

1) Start The Conversation – We need to take this burden on ourselves no matter how “nerve racking” it might be. If we don’t, nothing might happen and that’s an opportunity lost – potentially with our dream woman.There are countless ways to start a convo, and it really isn’t that important how we do it, but MY favourite conversation starter is usually a compliment. It makes her feel good and allows me to express my interest in her without coming off as weird.One of my favs is to compliment her on her style – because I’m a sucker for women with great style – and because they are usually some of the most attractive ones.

So, I’ll often say something like: “Hey, I just wanted to tell you that you have a really cool, awesome, and sophisticated style.”

I usually pause for a moment to see her response and often women will look at me blankly, kinda confused, or will just say, “Thank you”.

2) Imply Good Things About Yourself – You want to show her that you think good things of yourself, you are confident, and that likely other people think good things of you too. If you imply good things about yourself, then she’ll likely to think good things about you as well.

So, following the previous example, I might say: I love women with good style and I had to tell you because, I know it takes a lot of work to look this good… despite the fact YOU make it look easy… and because you might not get the appreciation that, I feel, you probably deserve for it.

That’s a lot, but in this statement alone, I implied:

1. I have good taste in women and not just any woman catches my eye (making her special)
2. I understand how much hard work women put into their appearance  (which means I probably also understand other things about her as a woman too)
3. I appreciate people and have the confidence to tell them about it (plus, I am the kind of person who likes to make others feel good)

3) Show Her That You’ll Like Her Based On Her Personality – So many guys show and tell her that they like her physically, but few show her that they are interested in her for more than that. You need to communicate that you are a rare person who looks beyond the surface and is looking for a genuine connection… but that that connection doesn’t usually happen with just anyone… and that her personality will determine whether you share that or not.

After all, guys like attractiveness… but they love that mixed with personality!

So, I might say something like, “I had to find out if you’re as cool as you are stylish. If you are… then I think there’s a great chance we’ll really get along.”

These 3 examples only cover about 30 seconds of a convo but they put you in a great spot to keep moving forward with the interaction.

What advice do you have about how to be confident around women?

1. Handle Your Fashion and Fitness – despite the fact it’s a bit cliche, these make the most immediate difference in the way guys feel about themselves and how they are perceived by others. It’s been scientifically proven that people FEEL better about themselves when they are looking good and that people decide all kinds of things about each other without even talking to them… so this makes a HUGE DIFFERENCE. It’s also the first step to expressing our personality and how we feel about ourselves, so I recommend guys handle this very first.
2. Start Meditating (even for just 5-10 mins a day) – imo, meditation is the most underrated tool in all of life. A day I meditate is entirely different from a day I don’t. I’m calmer, more focused, and more empathetic and in tune with other people when I do.In fact, Tim Ferris has a quote in his book “Tools Of Titans”:

“More than 80% of the (high achieving) interviewees have some form of daily mindfulness or meditation practice.”

There’s a reason for that and I recommend every guy take it on.

3. Write Out and Read Daily Affirmations About Yourself– Our brains believe whatever we tell them, good or bad. They work like that Henry Ford quote: “Whether you believe you can or you can’t; either way you’re right.”Start telling yourself positive stuff every day through reading pre-written affirmations when you wake up or before bed and start adjusting your self talk. You’ll feel so much better!

What’s your biggest piece of advice when it comes to getting a girlfriend?

Choose wisely, take your time, and don’t settle for less than you really want. I think, a lot of people are in relationships simply because they don’t want to be alone or because they are afraid of going through the rejection and growth required to meet an amazing partner. If people choose based upon this scarcity mindset, it’s likely their relationships will not be as good, could have issues, and be a major source of stress.

If guys create options for themselves and choose among some great ones when they feel it’s right, then it’s likely they’ll choose a healthier, better partner – who is more along the lines of what they really want – and that they’ll be able to be better ones themselves, and able to operate within the relationship better, for having gotten to that point.

What’s your approach to coaching men with dating? Do you have any success stories you’d be able to share with us with coaching men?

I’m pretty new to the coaching game so I don’t have that much experience with that yet.

All I really have is stories with friends and guys asking me for advice because they often see me around with or flirting with the women they have around them. (I don’t steal girls from guys I know though – that’s a big no-no.)

For example, I asked my friend about any times I helped him with that, other than winging him and helping him get a girl by taking care of her friend, and he told me:

“Definitely sometimes you told me NOT to do something – and I did – and that ended up not working – like going to the place where the girl is instead of having her come to you”.

Just for the record, I recommend NEVER going to where a woman is to meet her –  unless you’ve both agreed to meet there beforehand or you agree to both leave where you’re at and meet a new 3rd place. In the DOZENS of times I’ve done this, I’ve NEVER had it go well and often women aren’t there anymore, ignore you, or are there with another guy! My friends can all confirm because I tell them ALL this and they often still go make the same mistake and learn the hard way. Me, never again!

Other than that, just helping friends with their relationship or what to do with girls so it works out well. The problem is a lot of guys don’t listen, and want to validate their egos like they know, so I don’t know why they even ask other than just to get a new perspective on it… and it rarely works out well when they go against what I said.

You have an extensive backstory, living in Canada, Japan, and China. What have you learned from traveling all over the world?

Everyone likes to have a good time! If you’re someone who brings more good emotions, laughter, and genuineness to people’s lives – then you’re someone that they’ll want to have around.

As a nerd, what’s your favorite video game?

That’s like picking my favorite kid, man! That’s not a fair question!

Early life – Final Fantasy 2 and 3 (American #s) and other Japanese RPGs like Chrono Trigger.

Later on in life, around high school and college, it was Fallout 2 and Age of Empires 2. I spent countless hours playing that one online.

Anything else you’d like to say before we wrap up?

A lot of guys, especially the shy/introverted type like your audience, have told me that one of their biggest obstacles to meeting their dream woman is not feeling confident enough, too anxious, or even not worthy enough to approach her.

So, I worked with a professional psychologist / hypnotherapist to create a confidence with women boosting audio – which implants positive beliefs in your brain to help you feel more confident, less anxious, and worthy of even INTIMIDATINGLY ATTRACTIVE women…  even if you have no experience or success with them at all.

It’s easy to use, can be listened to passively like a podcast, and the effects get stronger every time you use it. I personally use it almost every day to keep my head on straight when it comes to women.

I recommend they check it out here at: www.datequalitywomen.com/free-audio/