One of my readers had an interesting question. He showed me a few articles written from some popular dating coaches about how to tease women, which talked a lot about how teasing is “super important” and how it’s the “main form of flirting” and how you absolutely NEED to be good at it or else women will only see you as a friend. Then, he asked me what I thought. How important is it really to tease women?
For what it’s worth, I disagree with those coaches.
Getting a first date can be hard. Getting that second date can be harder.
I’ve had a lot of first dates with women I met online that have not led to second dates. I’ve had women tell me that they didn’t feel a romantic connection. I’ve had women tell me that they’d rather be friends. I’ve had women agree to go on a second date and then later cancel on our plans.
And, occasionally, I’ve had women just stop texting me altogether.
When you meeting her from the internet for the first time, how do you have a great first date with her so that she’ll want to have a second date with you?
Continue reading How to have a great first date with women you meet online
Note: This article was originally published on sosuave.com
Let’s talk about confidence.
Women always say that they love confidence in guys. As I was growing up, it always felt like women would always go for the guys who were more confident and outgoing. Whenever I had a crush on someone, most of the time I would be too scared to ask her out. My mind would tell me things like “she probably already has a boyfriend,” and if I did try to talk to her then I would become super awkward and would barely even be able to say anything.
This makes it especially difficult because as men, we’re the ones who are expected to be the initiators when it comes to dating. It’s up to us to take the first step and ask her out, to go for the first kiss, to ask her to be exclusive, to say the first “I love you”, and so on. And this can mean having to step way, way out of your comfort zone. How are we supposed to be confident when it comes to dating, then?
I’m not going to give you some generic advice such as “fake it until you make it” or “just be confident.” You’ve probably already heard that enough times already. Instead, I’m going to show you the three steps that I used to finally become confident around women.
Continue reading Become more confident in three simple steps
When I first started looking for love, I noticed that one of my friends who I always saw getting dates had the opposite personality as I did. He is very extroverted and he loves to surround himself with people all the time. When he talks to women, he is very aggressive and makes the conversation overtly sexual very quickly.
That’s not me at all. I’m introverted, reserved, and gentle. After watching my friend succeed seemingly all the time while talking to women, I started to become afraid that I would have to change my personality to be more like his if I ever wanted to get a girlfriend.
I tried to behave more like my friend. However, I didn’t achieve any success even though I was basically doing the same things he was. I also started to feel like I was being an actor by going against my own personality.
What was I doing wrong?
I really used to suck at picking up signals from women. There have been times where my friends would tell me that I’ve missed having a woman flirt or even openly hit on me, saying that it was obvious she was doing so. But I didn’t realize it at the time because to me, it felt like she was just being friendly.
Also, I’ve been told months after the fact that a woman I knew really liked me but I never made a move so she ended up thinking I wasn’t interested. This really surprised me because I had no idea that she was interested in me at all.
Even though the year is 2017 and we’re in the 21st century, the gender role still holds strong that a lot of women still expect us guys to make the first move. It’s up to us to go talk to her, ask her out, go for the first kiss, and so on.
So, how do you know if she wants you to approach her? Here are a few signs that she might use to show that she is interested in you:
Where do we go to meet women, especially after we’ve graduated college? To bars and clubs? Between the huge crowds, loud music, and obligatory drinking, they’re just not my style. And people are actually expected to find romantic connections in such an environment? Count me out! As introverts, we’d really rather just go home and read a book, do some exercise, or just watch TV instead of going out and socializing.
Unlike extroverts, we’re less likely to just “fall” into a relationship. We’re not shy people, but we can only be social for so long before we need to relax on our own again. Where do we go to find someone to date, then?
Continue reading How to meet women WITHOUT going to bars or clubs
Let’s talk about confidence.
As I was growing up, it always felt like women liked the guys who were more confident and outgoing. Whenever I had a crush on someone, most of the time I would be too scared to ask her out. My mind would tell me things like “she probably already has a boyfriend,” and if I did try to talk to her then I would become super awkward and would barely even be able to say anything. The one piece of advice I heard over and over again for being confident was to “fake it until you make it” but that never helped me at all.
This makes it especially difficult because as we’re the ones who are expected to be the initiators when it comes to dating. It’s up to us to take the first step and ask her out, to go for the first kiss, to ask her to be exclusive, to say the first “I love you”, and so on. This means that we’re the ones who risk being rejected or shot down.
How are we supposed to be confident in the first place if we don’t have much (or any) dating experience to begin with? It’s easier to be confident if you’ve had girlfriends in the past before or if you often go on a lot of dates. But what about those of us who don’t have any of that experience to begin with?
Here’s a quick trick I would use in order to make myself more confident. If there was a woman that I wanted to talk to, I would say this one sentence to myself:
Continue reading Become more confident with women in under 30 seconds
So, how many of us enjoy going to bars and clubs? Between the huge crowds, loud music, and obligatory drinking, they’re just not my style. By the end of the night, my ears are ringing, my voice is raspy from trying to talk over the noise, and alcohol just isn’t my cup of tea. And people are actually expected to find romantic connections in such an environment? Count me out!
Heck, my idea of an awesome Friday night looks like this:
We’re not shy people. However, we use up our energy when we have to interact with other people and we can only use so much energy before we need to be alone and recharge. Personally, I tend to feel like taking a nap after I’ve been socializing with other people for a while.
Unlike extroverts, we become tired very easily after being surrounded by other people. Since we can only be social for so long before we need to go home and relax on our own, we need to be choosy about where we go to meet women.
Here are five of my favorite places to meet women as an introvert. Continue reading Five Awesome Places to Meet Women as an Introvert
Note: A version of this article was originally published on Introvert, Dear
A few years ago, I happened to run into a woman that I used to have a massive crush on. I’m fairly certain that she used to like me, but nothing ever came of it and eventually we lost touch with each other. So, my heart skipped a beat when I saw her at the bus stop.
“Molly?” I asked.
“Oh my God, Steven!” She ran over and gave me a huge hug. “How have you been?”
“I’m good. How are you?”
“Good, good.”
“…”
“…”
(Uh-oh, awkward silence! How do I keep the conversation going? What do I say next? Do I make a joke? Should I comment on how she looks? Think, Steve, think!!)
The Beginner’s Guide to Asking Women Out
As an introvert, I struggled a lot when it came to trying to date women. I hadn’t even gone on my first date with a woman until I was in my twenties, whereas some of my friends just seemed to naturally fall into their perfect relationships without even trying. It just seemed like for most guys, knowing how to approach women, talk to them, and get a girlfriend was just common sense. I used to believe that it was just something that men should be able to do.
Meanwhile, I didn’t know how to go about dating or even where to learn those skills. I had no idea what you’re supposed to say to a girl you’re interested in. Are you supposed to use a pickup line? Are you supposed to impress her? How do you start a conversation and what do you say to her? Sometimes I’d hear that you need to be very bold with women. Sometimes I’d hear that you need to be very direct. And sometimes, I’d read some PUA advice that made me question my faith in humanity. I just wanted to find a compatible woman to share fun times and love, to kiss and hold hands with and experience that sense of intimacy, y’know?
Now, things are different. I learned how to talk to women and get them to go out with me. I met this wonderful girl a while back and was able to successfully ask her out. Today, we enjoy a lot of fun times together and it’s amazing to experience that love we have for each other. And I was able to accomplish all of this naturally, without becoming a jerk or an “alpha” or resorting to any of those sleazy PUA tactics – me, the introverted late bloomer!
Honestly, if I can do it then you can too! Here’s my beginner’s guide for talking to women and landing dates: