I recently got a message about a post I wrote a while ago about flirting. I wrote that when I’m talking to a woman for the first time, I like to lightly touch her on the arm and see how she reacts. One of my readers wrote to me, “But like do you just touch her in the middle of conversation? There has to be a reason for it, no?”

My response? You actually don’t need to have a reason.

This hits close to home for me because I used to struggle with this a lot.

When I was going to kiss my future fiancée for the first time, I was super nervous and super hesitant about it. The moment was right. The mood was right. But I still felt like I needed a reason to do it. So, instead of just doing it and kissing her for the first time, I just kinda let my face hover in front of hers for about half a minute. Like a weird statue.

She still teases me about it to this day.

When it came to interacting with women, I thought that if I was too forward with her or I came on too strongly then I would come off as a douchebag. So, I always thought that I needed a reason to flirt with her or to go up and talk to her or to grab her hand for the first time.

You don’t need a reason to do any of that! It’s okay to just do it.

Obviously, you do want to be aware of social boundaries. Don’t try to grab her or kiss her before you’ve even met her. That does make you a douchebag and hopefully you already knew that.

However, it’s okay to be bold when interacting with her romantically! If you’re talking to a compatible woman then deep down she already knows there’s a possibility that your interactions might become romantic. (And you know what? If you’re lucky enough that’s she’s interested in you as well, then she’s hoping for a romantic interaction!)

So, touch her lightly on the arm as you talk to her. Hug her at the end of the night after your date. Kiss her when the time is right. There’s no need to half-ass your romantic gestures by needing a reason for any of that!

A long time ago, I remember trying to start a conversation with a woman who I thought looked kinda cute. It went something like this…

“Hi”

“Hi”

“How are you?”

“I’m good. How are you?”

“Good, good.”

“…”

(Uh-oh, awkward silence! How do I keep the conversation going? What do I say next? Do I make a joke? Should I comment on how she looks? Think, Steve, think!!)

“So, the weather’s pretty nice,” I muttered. (The weather? Really Steve??)

“Yeah,” she replied.

“…”

“Umm, I need to go,” she finally said. “Nice talking to you” she halfheartedly added. Well, crap. It only took me about 30 seconds before I completely ran out of things to say to her.

How do you overcome the obstacle of running out of things to say when talking to women?

Continue reading How to stop running out of things to say when talking to her →

A long time ago, I used to have a crush on a woman that I saw every day on my bus ride home. I wanted to just go up and talk to her but I was always afraid to. Mostly because I had no idea what I was even supposed to talk to her about.

One day I decided to just go for it. I remember it going something like this:

“Hi”, I sputtered nervously.

“Hi,” she replied.

I felt my heart racing at a million miles per hour. Oh jeez, what do I say next?

“Umm…what time is it?” I muttered. Really, Steve? The time?! You couldn’t think of anything better?!?

“It’s 3:25” she replied.

“Oh, ok” I responded.

A few minutes passed. We arrived at her stop. She got up and walked off the bus. Well, crap. I slunk down into my seat, buried my face in my hands, let out a long sigh, and started hoping that nobody witnessed my dismal attempt at talking to her.

What are you supposed to talk about when you’re talking to someone you’re interested in?

Continue reading What are you supposed to talk to her about? →

I’ve been wary of writing about how to tease women for a long time because there are a lot of sleazy ways to do it. Too many dating advice gurus and pickup artists will tell you to “neg” her by giving her a backhanded compliment so that you lower her self-esteem until she decides to go out with you.

Ugh! It grinds my gears that this type of advice even exists.

Ultimately, I decided to write about teasing because it is a valid form of flirting and there is a way to tease women respectfully. And I think it’s about time that someone wrote about how to tease women in a way that is both non-sleazy and respectful.

The most important thing to remember when it comes to teasing is to do it respectfully.

Respectful teasing is: playfully insulting her without intending to hurt her feelings

Respectful teasing is NOT: insulting her with the intention of actually hurting her feelings

Only jerks tease women by belittling her and trying to undermine her self-confidence. Instead, you want to tease her respectfully. Always be conscious of her feelings. A respectful tease involves saying something slightly edgy or irreverent that will catch her off guard, but without making her feel uncomfortable or offended.

Continue reading How to tease a woman respectfully →

For a long time, I didn’t know how to flirt at all. I knew flirting was important because it shows her that you’re romantically interested, but I just had no idea how to do it. It was embarrassing for me because I had assumed that knowing how to flirt was something that everyone was naturally able to do.

Well, everyone except me that is.

Eventually, I came up with my own way of flirting that’s authentic to my own introverted self. It’s gotten me dates and meaningful relationships naturally without making me feel sleazy or like a pickup-artist. If you’re like my past self and you have no idea what flirting is or how to do it, then I’m going to show you in detail how I personally flirt.

Just in case you were too embarrassed to ask.

Continue reading How I personally flirt →

One of my readers had an interesting question. He showed me a few articles written from some popular dating coaches about how to tease women, which talked a lot about how teasing is “super important” and how it’s the “main form of flirting” and how you absolutely NEED to be good at it or else women will only see you as a friend. Then, he asked me what I thought. How important is it really to tease women?

For what it’s worth, I disagree with those coaches.

Continue reading Teasing – my unpopular opinion →

When I first started looking for love, I noticed that one of my friends who I always saw getting dates had the opposite personality as I did. He is very extroverted and he loves to surround himself with people all the time. When he talks to women, he is very aggressive and makes the conversation overtly sexual very quickly.

That’s not me at all. I’m introverted, reserved, and gentle. After watching my friend succeed seemingly all the time while talking to women, I started to become afraid that I would have to change my personality to be more like his if I ever wanted to get a girlfriend.

I tried to behave more like my friend. However, I didn’t achieve any success even though I was basically doing the same things he was. I also started to feel like I was being an actor by going against my own personality.

What was I doing wrong?

Continue reading How to flirt with women as an introvert →

I really used to suck at picking up signals from women. There have been times where my friends would tell me that I’ve missed having a woman flirt or even openly hit on me, saying that it was obvious she was doing so. But I didn’t realize it at the time because to me, it felt like she was just being friendly.

Also, I’ve been told months after the fact that a woman I knew really liked me but I never made a move so she ended up thinking I wasn’t interested. This really surprised me because I had no idea that she was interested in me at all.

Even though the year is 2017 and we’re in the 21^st century, the gender role still holds strong that a lot of women still expect us guys to make the first move. It’s up to us to go talk to her, ask her out, go for the first kiss, and so on.

So, how do you know if she wants you to approach her? Here are a few signs that she might use to show that she is interested in you:

Continue reading How to tell if she’s interested in you →

Note: A version of this article was originally published on Introvert, Dear

A few years ago, I happened to run into a woman that I used to have a massive crush on. I’m fairly certain that she used to like me, but nothing ever came of it and eventually we lost touch with each other. So, my heart skipped a beat when I saw her at the bus stop.

“Molly?” I asked.

“Oh my God, Steven!” She ran over and gave me a huge hug. “How have you been?”

“I’m good. How are you?”

“Good, good.”

“…”

“…”

(Uh-oh, awkward silence! How do I keep the conversation going? What do I say next? Do I make a joke? Should I comment on how she looks? Think, Steve, think!!)

Continue reading An Introvert’s Guide to Talking to Women →

The Beginner’s Guide to Asking Women Out

As an introvert, I struggled a lot when it came to trying to date women. I hadn’t even gone on my first date with a woman until I was in my twenties, whereas some of my friends just seemed to naturally fall into their perfect relationships without even trying. It just seemed like for most guys, knowing how to approach women, talk to them, and get a girlfriend was just common sense. I used to believe that it was just something that men should be able to do.

Meanwhile, I didn’t know how to go about dating or even where to learn those skills. I had no idea what you’re supposed to say to a girl you’re interested in. Are you supposed to use a pickup line? Are you supposed to impress her? How do you start a conversation and what do you say to her? Sometimes I’d hear that you need to be very bold with women. Sometimes I’d hear that you need to be very direct. And sometimes, I’d read some PUA advice that made me question my faith in humanity. I just wanted to find a compatible woman to share fun times and love, to kiss and hold hands with and experience that sense of intimacy, y’know?

Now, things are different. I learned how to talk to women and get them to go out with me. I met this wonderful girl a while back and was able to successfully ask her out. Today, we enjoy a lot of fun times together and it’s amazing to experience that love we have for each other. And I was able to accomplish all of this naturally, without becoming a jerk or an “alpha” or resorting to any of those sleazy PUA tactics – me, the introverted late bloomer!

Honestly, if I can do it then you can too! Here’s my beginner’s guide for talking to women and landing dates:

Continue reading The Beginner’s Guide to Asking Women Out →